Lately mortality has been on my mind…
I’ve not had a computer or iPad to keep up these past few days :( and I’m going to disneyworld for six days, I’ll try to reblog some things and post pics from the park when I can :) awesome quality photos won’t be up til after I get home though! Xoxo
No I don’t wish I was single, or that I had a different man…
I just wish I had more of what I wanted…
I know this probably sounds strange and fucked up and confusing,
but the song “blood” by In This Moment
reminds me of both my current boyfriend and last boyfriend…
Guess which stanzas apply to which.
I want to see you through the smoke of my cigarette,
i want to see the way you acknowledge my eyes looking over your body,
I want to part the crowd and let you know you’re mine for the night.
Or am I yours?
I want to do body shots and lick the lemon juice off your neck..
I want to do a line of coke off your body and lick up what’s left over.
I want you to grab me and shove me into the wall,
rough me up and shove your mouth against mine,
I want to feel your groin pressed up against me.
I want to see the lust in your eyes, watch you lick your lower lip after I bite it.
I want to smell the liquor on your breath and
Feel the softness of your hair as you kiss my neck.
I want to feel the sting of your teeth sinking into my skin.
Can I please you?
Can I be everything you need?
Can I be anything you want?
Make me yours.
I want to be filthy.
Be treated like a sexy fucking goddess!
If I speak dirty to you omg don’t call me cute for fuck’s sake.
But seriously. I think the only reason I haven’t jumped off a cliff is because I pretend that I believe I am a superior human being that is the epitome of perfection. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT THEY SAY!
I stopped taking my medications few months back and my mom just sort of realized it and instead of having a logical reaction of “hey you shouldn’t just quit antidepressants cold turkey” she was really happy.. Said she didn’t want me to get dependent… Thing is I’ve been wanting to start again…
I have felt old impulses come back,
Self destruction’s such a pretty little thing…
I don’t think I can handle this night on my own…